We have kids come and go pretty frequently. It has been challenging to not get too attached. I have yet to master saying goodbye to a child I will never see again, and quite honestly I don't think I ever will. Don't even ask about coming home. I just can't think about it. (I miss everything about home, including clean floors and MY BED). BUT... That doesn't make the thought of leaving any easier. I choose not to think about it, and am going to continue acting like I will be able to hold these angels of mine forever. I am always amazed at how quickly I fall in love with each kid. I just want to kiss and hug them all day long.
FUN fact of the day: Recently we have had children diagnosed with Hepatitis A, Lice, etc. (Note to self: I should probably lay off the slobbery kisses for a while). Many kids are also battling small illnesses. This definitely poses as a challenge some days.
Insight on the kids in my rooms: (around 20)
- I could probably talk about the kids for days. Each one is so unique and strong. I work with a couple children who are the size of a small two year old, but really around six years old. They have minimum brain functioning as well as physical abilities. It breaks my heart to hear them cry or moan, as they are in pain a lot of the time. Feeding tubes keep these children alive. I love the times I am able to sit and hold them. Although I am tone deaf (I blame it on my genes. Thanks mom and dad), I have found singing them soft songs immediately calms them down, and allows them to feel more peaceful.
- I work with many young toddlers (1-2 years of age), most of which battle small mental disabilities. I constantly see the detrimental affects of fetal alcohol syndrome in many children. It breaks my heart to watch them suffer for something they had no control over. Despite many challenges, I love being able to run around with each child, teaching them to walk and play.
- I also work with a lot of infants. (I love babies!!!!) I can't begin to explain how much I adore each one. Their sweet innocence melts my heart. I love being able to teach them how to hold onto my finger, or try to get them to smile. After working with them, I come home wanting to have 10 babies of my own. It has been hard to watch them learn to self soothe, because we can't be there with them 24/7, like an average mom would. But, I CHERISH the moments I am able to rock them to sleep.
HOSPITAL:
I keep getting more and more attached to kids we find there. Nothing beats the feeling of walking into a child's hospital room and see their face light up when they recognize who we are. (Yes, we are the loud Americans who make the children crazy, sorry hospital staff...). Each child carries their own heart breaking story, and sometimes it is hard to watch them play out. But, I have learned to appreciate the small smiles or laughs from a suffering child. Also, I have been pleasantly surprised at how well we can communicate with them, although we don't speak any of their language. I admire their ability to let us be a part of their lives. I hope one day I will be able to tell the children how much of a blessing they have been in my own personal life. I learn from them everyday. They teach me strength, courage, hope, faith, joy, and most importantly love.
KINDERGARTEN:
It's getting easier! I have come to the conclusion that nothing goes as planned, and I have to go into my lesson with an open mind and ability to adapt quickly. There is no way to predict the children's behaviors that day. Some days they love us, some days they spit at us, some days their too hott to do anything, some days they won't get off the floor, some days all they want to do is sing, etc. I don't blame them. We come in at the end of their day, and it is literally a sauna (not exaggerating) in the room. We can't open doors or windows, no A.C., and it's 90 degrees outside. I wouldn't want to learn English either. Haha But the "ah-ha" moments, or the "I love you teacha" moments are worth it. (I still will never have a career in teaching though...) Haha.
EVERYDAY I am reminded of how blessed I am. I am also reminded of how much further I have to go to become the person I want to be. Something I have had to really work on in Romania is "focusing on the good". Always looking at the "bright, brighter, and brightest" side of life. It is really easy to be overwhelmed with sadness and dismay while working somewhere like an orphanage. You can effortlessly slide into discouraging thoughts and feelings of hopelessness.
"How could a mother leave her down-syndrome newborn?...What possibly went through the minds of the parents who abused these three beautiful girls...Why is the world so rotten?.... Why can't I do more?"
When I look at problems that are so large scale like these, I become lost in them. Frightened because they are beyond my own capacity to fix. Quite frankly, I could (and have) spend time agonizing over it, getting mad, crying, but nothing I do will help solve the problem if I am not being the solution. I decided I have to personally take the lessons I am learning, and apply them in my own life. I have to be the change I want to see. I can't change anything by being an outside force. I can only enforce change by living it, loving what I have been given (which is so much), and making the most of it. (I definitely have not mastered this either).
***While traveling across the country is filled with so much uncertainty, I have not once looked back and felt regret towards my decision to leave for the summer. I already want to come back. (cough cough....Dad).
I love and miss my family, like always.
LOVE,
Morgs
P.S:
Ash: Let's keep pretending you aren't wearing all my clothes.
Hayds: Don't you dare crash my car.
Bracks: Make Ash and Hayds take you on dates to get yummy treats.
:):):):):):)
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